The female side of me

This post even has a name on it. Not usual.

And it all started by the conversation:

-You need to write something on your blog.
- I don't want to. I feel quite down this time and all i'd write is how fu**ed up life is.
- Well, there is those kinds of posts as well.

And than i understood that i don't need to be chreerful all the time. And this time is pretty fu**ed up for me. I'm missing three of four most important parts (or joys) in my life. I don't feel passioned about anything. Somehow it just doesnt work as i imagine it should. Somehow? Well, yes, pretty pathetic to put the responsibility to anyone else, but me. I know all the shit about it's my own responsibility, i need to make moves to change something, But all i want to do now is complaint and someone to be patient with me. I'm happy I have those people which i can trust for better or for worse (and i love you to the moon and back!). But i don't like to be the grumpy one. That's why i prefer to stay on my own when it's bad. I know that's not a good option. And learning to let it go, to let it out is something i'm still working on. 

And there is one more thing (one more quote of conversation):

- I want love. Real, unconditional, crazy love with all the possible passion and butterflies included.
- That's sweet!
- But I start to have a doubt that this kind of shit is existing. 

And by saying that i mean this is the female side of me. I can be emotional, i can be insecure, i can be whatever you'd call a PMS woman would be. Usualy i try to avoid this part. But sometimes it just happens. And than i need a strong man to stay by my side. Who would say the same as i heard today: 

- You are a gorgeous girl, stupid! 

And that really makes me smile.